Sorry, With No Explanation

An ordinary apology is a deal: I explain, you forgive. Until the deal looks likely, it is never said. An apology with no conditions costs more and is given once.

Choose the person you wronged and with whom it is still unspoken. Say or write three things and not one more: what exactly you did, that you understand what it cost them, and that you are sorry. No I was going through a hard time, you were not right either, let us forget it. Do not ask for an answer and say plainly that you do not expect one: I do not expect you to forgive me, I wanted this said. After that do not write a second time the same day.

Often the answer comes not at once but a day or two later, and it is warmer than expected; sometimes it never comes, and that is also a completion — the debt is closed on your side. Inside there may be emptiness instead of relief: that is normal, relief arrives later, when you stop checking your phone. If you started explaining yourself mid-sentence, stop and finish only with the last part — that you are sorry.